NOTE FROM GREGGERBITS: S. H. is a young woman who wrote to me, telling me that she had been tied in a straitjacket 6 times during a short stay in a mental ward, and that this triggered her fetish. The following is an edited version of several e-mails she wrote, responding to my questions. If you have any questions of your own, send her an e-mail.

I was tied in a Posey straitjacket. I found this out after researching straitjackets after I left the hospital. At first I was restrained for refusing to take my medication the first night and for attacking an orderly. She wasn't hurt or anything, and I later apologized. I remember them holding me down and injecting me with a sedative. It didn't knock me out, but I was very drowsy. I was wheeled to the back and put in the straitjacket. I became stable after I had been locked in a padded cell. The room has thick padding on all of the walls except the ceiling. It wasn't springy like a bed; you could feel a layer of hardness under the padding. I remember banging on the door with my feet trying to get out.

After wearing myself out, I actually started to enjoy the jacket. It felt like a big blanket, and it really calmed me down. Granted, I was a bit of a masochist, so I really enjoyed the crotch strap after I lost track of time. I believe the Posey was fully fastened. I remember not being able to lift my arms up much, and the front loop pulling up on the crotch strap. My shoulders didn't hurt specifically, but after thrashing around the first time, trying to get out, my upper body was sore. When I was released, they had me do some basic upper body movements, such as moving my arms slowly in a circle, moving my fingers, etc...

When they let me out, most of the other patients were in bed. I was allowed to go to my room. At that point I was restrained to my bed with padded leather cuffs. I had changed out of my day attire (socks, sweat pants, t-shirt) into my night attire (shorts, tank top). I started to feel depressed at first, afraid I'd lose all freedom during my stay. Being unable to move, I fell asleep quickly. I woke up the next day feeling pretty good, waiting for at least an hour before they untied me.

Most restraints were pretty snug. I was always outnumbered, and am pretty small. After the first few days of behaving, I actually started to miss being restrained. During my two month stay, I did go out of my way to "get myself into trouble," and probably prolonged my stay. I did fail the post 72-hour exam on purpose, because I felt safer inside at the time.

The ward I was in was female, though they had a common rec-room for male and female patients. I did bring up the topic of bondage to other inmates. Most hated the idea of being tied. There was one instance where they were teasing a very unstable patient, and that triggered her to start throwing chairs. Orderlies came and sedated her. All of us in the rec room were ordered to stand by the wall while they put her in a jacket. They saw who was picking on her, and led them to their room to be tied down for the rest of the day.

One instance I was sitting in the rec room (as it was suggested I wear one loosely for therapy, as a form of comfort) and one of the female inmates was flirting with me. Her name was Sam, and was very big. She offered her lap for my feet to rest on. She would often hold my ankles and tickle my feet. The laughter would often grab the attention of the orderlies.

The staff was professional, though strict at times. I did have a crush on one male orderly. I got the courage to ask him to give me a foot rub one night while I was restrained to my bed. He was about 25 I believe, and was really the nicest one. I visited my doctor every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday. After I was released, I was an outpatient for 4 months.

Usually when I was required to be in a straitjacket for long periods of time, they would give me Tylenol and Ambien. Ambien helped me sleep, but caused me to trip out in my cell.